Rethinking Networking: Building Genuine Connections One Thread at a Time

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

A Recurring Ordeal

If you think speed dating is a nightmare, try tackling a networking evening, the modern-day equivalent of running the gauntlet: a room full of strangers, which you are required to traverse shaking hands, saying something smart, making a memorable impression, and moving on in a matter of minutes, without a choreographer to signal that it is time to change partners.

We endure this ordeal for the sake of our careers or because we feel obligated. Instead of enjoying a relaxing evening with friends, we find ourselves scrambling to articulate our best ideas to people who are likely more focused on crafting their own comments than on truly listening. All the while, we are subtly competing to add yet another connection to our LinkedIn profiles.

At least, this is what we might go through if we take “networking” at its traditional, dictionary definition, which – whether you consult Collins, Webster or the OED – boils down to:

“The process of trying to meet new people who might be useful to you in your job, often through social activities.”

FON or Fear of Networking

It appears to be generally accepted that networking is a competitive necessity, yet the fear it induces often rivals the fear of public speaking. There are many reasons for this, tied to fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, or fear of making a poor impression. However, I believe that at a deeper level the fear of networking results from feeling disconnected from one’s authentic self. There is a widespread belief that networking is something we only do when we need a job, a favour, or an introduction; this positions it as a transactional process, in which we will only be talked to if we have something to offer in return. The resulting pressure can quickly trigger feelings of inadequacy, making us feel as though we must present an image of ourselves that is smarter, more knowledgeable, or more accomplished than we truly are.

However, it does not have to be this way. Let’s try to reframe this picture not as a networking event but as an exercise in relationship building, one to which we intentionally decide to bring our whole selves. Over our lives we all develop relationships – with family, friends, teachers, bosses, colleagues, mentors, and so on. We learn about their interests, their likes and dislikes, where our values converge, where our ideas differ; if they become an important part of our lives, we learn how to find common ground, how to receive the gift of their wisdom, and how to bring joy into their lives. We share a stretch of our journeys with them, sometimes receiving and sometimes giving, constituting the warp and weft of our interwoven lives.

If we think of networking not as a box to check or a performance to perfect, but as a craft —one where every thread contributes to the rich tapestry of our personal and professional lives, networking becomes less about impressing and more about connecting. Each conversation, a thread; each shared story, a knot; and each follow-up, a seam that strengthens the overall fabric.

However, like with any craft, it benefits from a thoughtful approach. Here are three guiding principles to help you weave your own unique fabric of relationships, one thread at a time.

Priciple # 1- Be selective

Networking is not about sheer volume; it is about quality. Instead of chasing a high count of LinkedIn connections, focus on opportunities that align with your interests and goals. Choose events or settings that genuinely intrigue you — this way, your enthusiasm and authenticity will naturally come through. Preparation is key: research the attendees, the topics, and the format of the event; equip yourself with thoughtful questions and insights that showcase your curiosity and expertise. Being selective and prepared transforms a potentially overwhelming task into a purposeful and rewarding experience.

Principle # 2 – Nurture the Network

Think of networking as planting seeds rather than collecting trophies. The true value lies in nurturing the relationships you start. After an event, follow up with a thoughtful note, share relevant insights or articles, or find ways to be of help. By offering value without expecting immediate returns, you may transform a fleeting encounter into a meaningful connection.

Sustaining these relationships over time—through birthdays remembered, introductions made, or opportunities shared—builds a network rooted in trust and mutual support. This approach not only strengthens your network but also reinforces your own sense of capability and generosity.

Lesson # 3 – Practice Stargazing

Networking, like stargazing, benefits from peripheral vision. Some of the most meaningful connections come from unexpected moments and serendipitous encounters. Instead of fixating on immediate outcomes, remain curious and attentive. That conversation you strike up during a coffee break might lead to insights, mentorship, or collaborations that were not on your radar. By approaching each interaction with an open mind, you will discover opportunities that go beyond your original intent.

Bonus Tip: Wear a Red Jacket!

If breaking the ice feels daunting, employ the “red jacket” technique. Wear something eye-catching—a bright jacket, a bold accessory—that helps you stand out. When Q&A time rolls around, seize the moment to ask a thoughtful question. Not only will you make a memorable impression, but your distinctive appearance will make it easier for others to approach you afterward.

To conclude, networking is not about ticking boxes or putting on a performance. It is about showing up as your authentic self, ready to listen, learn, and connect. With these principles in mind, you can turn the dreaded gauntlet into an opportunity for personal growth and lasting relationships.